War Within

I woke up this morning and recognized that I have been at war with myself lately. Let me speak on this. The world is confused. Markets crumbling. People losing their life's work. We are at war(s). It makes perfect sense that because the collective, global energy, the current that connects bigger thoughts is so far from united, loving and generous right now, that that would bleed into each of us, individually. Wall Street, Main Street...my street. My spirit is in conflict. Where to turn? What to do? The adult in me battling the inner child. The social you-should-bes tackling the what-do-i-want-to-bes. Little wars raging on inside offering me sleepless nights, dark thoughts and a bucket of fear. My own lightness fighting my own darkness. My big laugh working hard to out-sound the little voices of discord.

Two houses away from me was a fire. A fire that engulfed a home. The home of a sweet 70 something man. Just him. 70 and solo...in a house that caught flames. The house is gone. So is the last 20 years of his photography. He bikes around the neighborhood now...lost, alone, scared. I stop to talk with him. I combed my drawers and closets yesterday and have put together a wardrobe for him. I hope the clothes fit. I hope he likes them. Would be cool to see him in a Clash t-shirt (can't believe I am giving it away...but on the other hand I need to...I need to give away more and more to make room for less and less...make sense?)

I had a beautiful talk with someone yesterday. Someone I have always been enamored of. And she had read some of this blog and it reflected things she has been thinking, feeling, living as well. And we got off the phone and I wanted to write 400 new posts on Happyonthepainfulroad. That was my greedy voice talking. I thought "Ahh, this blog has peaked another person's interest...let me write millions of words so my blog seems bigger...better." Then I remembered what the person on the other end of the line had been saying to me in regards to this universal conversation we all seem to be having...she said "stay authentic. that is the golden path." UMMMM...BRILLIANT. I started this blog because I needed to. I needed to share my truth and heart. I have never written a word on this blog to show off (first time in my life really...where I have done something artistic out of true pureness) so I shant start phoning it in now.