My friend Melissa's very close friend took his own life Friday night. I am not certain of the whys and hows of it all but I do know that he was an actor and from what I gathered in my time spent with him it seemed as though he found this acting journey fairly painful. In reflecting on the tragedy of hearing news about suicide, two things come up for me: go see the movie WRISTCUTTERS: A LOVE STORY if you have ever known anyone who has taken their own life or if you have known anyone who is in a very dark sadness. This movie will inspire change of heart about some things.
The other thing that came up for me was that we have to remember and practice making our PROCESS the most important thing. And make our PRODUCT second. Make our journey beautiful and enjoy the shit out of it, ups and downs, for when we arrive at a destination it is that we are THERE. And THERE is more often than not when we start getting nostalgic about the journey we took to get there. I, for one, no longer want to recall my journeys in a negative way.
My Uncle, a doctor, always says this to me: "You go to school, then medical school, then you intern and you complain and laugh and complain some more. It is hard. Grueling often. But then one day you are a DOCTOR. And then you are, for the whole of your life, a DOCTOR. Enjoy the path to becoming a DOCTOR. Because once you are...you are."
So, in a nutshell...lets reach out to friends and family more...lets talk more..when you are in pain or bummed out just reach out...get reminded that it is all good, it's process...it gets better, we get wiser and stronger..
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just a thought i wanted to share. currently i have been working with a hair and make-up artist on my show and as to be expected we know quite a bit about each other's lives now that we have spent at least an hour and a half every morning connecting physically and emotionally every day for the past couple months as you tend to do in these artsy atmospheres. anyway, turns out when he first started doing this he actually worked in a mortuary... doing hair and make up on corpses! i found this fascinating and asked him many questions for many days on end about different aspects of this. the part that prompts me to comment now is in regards to suicide. my friend explained to me that the experience of working in the mortuary was not as disconcerting as one might think. yes, of course, the first few times took some getting used to. but there was something important about the work he was doing, he felt like he was honoring the people and helping to send them off in a way thought brought peace to their loved ones, who he felt, needed very much to see them in the flesh one last time, and know that their spirit had left this body, in that undeniable way that happens when you see your loved one lying there... not moving. but the experience shouldn't be gruesome, and that was his job, to bridge that in all the craziness that death can bring. to lesson the intensity of the marked difference between the person you knew in life and the body you see in death.
there was only one type of body he had trouble with though. and sadly, he worked on more than one of these cases. he said there was a definite, hard to explain difference when he worked on a body of someone who had committed suicide. there was a thicker feeling in the air around them, the energy was not clear. he said he had trouble breathing when he was doing it, that he didn't like it, that there was this feeling of "off"-- that... he couldn't stop questioning when he was doing it-- what were you thinking? what was going on in there? and he never felt like the person was at peace now. for whatever reason. he felt a huge difference when he was working on their hair and make up than any of the others. he said that he couldnt stop thinking that this person, did not just "die" -- that they literally, MADE it happen-- and their bodies were healthier than the other people-- i asked him if anyone had killed themselves because they were terminally ill and if that was a different feeling (yes, i asked this, wouldn't you?)-- but he said not in his experience, but he did think that would probably be different-- but i just found that to be truly fascinating. that the air was heavier, thicker, that he didn't like it, that he felt a true difference and he didn't like his job in those moments, but otherwise, that he found it to be a good job-- even though people don't normally think about that-- or at least, i hadn't.
just another perspective, from a different angle, that might be something to reflect upon... so i shared.
november 1 marked the one year anniversary of the death of a friend i have known for 20+ years. she was the victim of a senseless killing in nyc. i had been out of touch with her for a bit and two days prior to her death, woke up and thought, "i HAVE to call her!" i never did. then it was too late. her spirit lives on in the hearts of those who loved her and her work will continue to flourish regardless of her physical presence. this is amazing! i'd rather have here. somehow, though, i always feel she is. =)
People should read this.
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