Q&A with Josh Radnor

Josh Radnor is the star of "How I Met Your Mother." I have a recurring role on Mother and I always look forward to working with, Josh because he is gracious and smart and just wicked awesome. Success does not make Josh a "cool guy" and I love that about him. He jumped when I asked him to play Rav Bergen in a reading of my show "Rich Whores" and he was fantastic. And his friends jumped when he needed actors for a reading of his screenplay. He has the greatest Ipod in the world and could very well quit acting and be head writer for Rolling Stone--the guy knows that much about music. People talk about Josh Radnor the way they do about Tom Hanks (nicest guy in the business) and I can attest to that. Oh, and P.S., Josh is like your favorite camp counselor...he can talk about LIFE forever and a day and with him, you never feel judged by your own LIFE trials and tribulations.

HERE IS JOSH RADNOR:

What is or are your favorite quotes...as they relate to flourishing, becoming, moving thru things, growth (any or all of those)?

Matty B – First off, let me say: Great fucking questions. I should also say, or rather ask, if it’s okay to use the words “fuck” and/or “fucking” liberally here, but fuck it, I’m just going to assume it is. It’s nice to be able to discuss ideas and life philosophy (which is all I ever really want to talk about) rather than the standard "Do you have any idea who the mother is going to be?" [I always want to be like "Dude, who cares, it’s not ‘Twin Peaks,’ just watch the show..."]

OK, quotes. I fucking love quotes. I’m one of those dorks with a “quote” file and a “good poems” file on my computer. Here’s one I’m liking lately: “You can't have a disappointment unless you've made an appointment." As I get older, I keep being reminded that expectations are killers. We seem to be hard-wired to create some sort of meta-narrative in our heads as to how we see things going down, and then we act like there’s been some sort of colossal error when things go another way. Now it’s a curious thing, because I think we also have a lot of say in how things turn out. But life is full of curveballs, and with hindsight, all of them seem to get us where we need to go. Joseph Campbell said the only appropriate response to everything in life is “yes.” This is actually the wisest thing ever. 'Suffering' is wanting things to be different than they are. Not to say that we shouldn’t work towards changing that which is toxic about our lives or world, but the first step must always be a ruthless acceptance of things as they are, and the curious perfection in all of it, even if we can’t see if from our present vantage point. (I’ve hardly mastered this, by the way) I have a good friend who recently had a baby with his wife and the child had all sorts of health complications – open heart surgery a few days after the birth, chromosomal irregularities, all manner of really serious stuff. Anyway, I was taking with this friend of mine and he said something so wise about his son and all that had happened it just broke my heart. He said, “I keep asking myself, ‘What promise was broken?’” I guess it’s never really what happens. It’s our response to it that matters and determines the course of things and the person we become. Sorry, that all got a little heavy… TV, sitcom, laugh haha, yeah the cast totally gets along…

Here’s another quote I like: "You worry, you die. You don't worry, you die." Someone told me they saw that spray-painted by a freeway. It’s weird, we have this unspoken cultural assumption (or at least my mother does) that worry is going to get us somewhere. A lot of it is, I think, this mistaken belief that we’re saving ourselves some heartache by outlining all the ways everything could go wrong, so if one of them comes to pass, we won’t be so shocked. But it seems none of them ever come to pass, so all we’ve really done is raised our blood pressure. The idea of something horrible happening is so much worse than something actually horrible happening. Does that make sense? Lately, I find my ‘mind’ to be a kind of scary place to go without adult supervision. I can totally freak the shit out of myself with zero evidence. (Why aren’t we more suspicious of our own thoughts? Just a thought…) But if and when something goes ‘wrong’ (which is really just an opinion anyway, the whole notion of something going ‘wrong’) I find I’m able to act bravely and decisively – all the ways I assume I won’t be able to act in my imaginary disaster scenario. And this seems so fucking morbid, but I find I’m happier if I keep the very real fact of my own death at the front of my consciousness.

And here’s my current favorite quote, from German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer: "It is difficult to find happiness in oneself, yet it is impossible to find it anywhere else." You and I live in the world capital of illusions – not only do we create and export a kind of fantasy world to the rest of the world, but the town itself runs on the illusion that stuff and status are the source of happiness. I had a real gift in my life and that was early success. I starred on Broadway at 27 and I starred in a TV show at 31. It didn’t save me from any kind of pain. In fact, it brought on a newer, more acute kind of pain. “Why aren’t I happy?” I would think. “This is what I wanted.” (A version of this exists, by the way, at law firms. It’s called “Post-partner depression.”) I’m really happy with my job now and I don’t want this to be seen as bitching about opportunities that so many people covet. It’s just the reality of these things was way more complicated than I could have foreseen. It was a great gift, ultimately, to be armed with the experiential knowledge that “success” only soothes a dim pain for awhile, but never extinguishes it. What’s the true source of happiness, I wondered? I don’t think we’re put here to suffer and I don’t think suffering is all that noble. Maybe that’s cause I’m a big fucking baby, I don’t know. My happiest moments are when I don’t wish myself to be anywhere other than where I am. When there’s a quiet contentment. I also really like being at Burning Man, which is not at all quiet. (I’m kind of a hippie, but the kind that bathes...)

2) Also...you are the star of a hit TV series and where some people can fall prey to the shine of it, you seem to grow more humble from it. What has kept you such a human being?

Hmm. Thanks for calling me a “human being.” It never made sense to me that people would achieve any kind of success in show business and use that opportunity to become an asshole. I have this crazy theory that success in this business should make you nicer – you’re being incredibly well-paid to do something very few people get the chance to do. At the very least, you can be polite. But beyond that, I think it should free you up to become better, more of the things that make you your best self. Oscar Wilde has this great quote about how fame doesn’t change people, it unmasks them. So I guess if you’re a latent insecure asshole, great opportunities in show business will just water those particular weeds.

But if you have an interest in not being an asshole, as I do, it can be an amazing opportunity to do some pretty deep work on yourself. The biggest anchor for me over the last few years has been meditation. I’ve been meditating twice a day for about three and a half years. Initially, I was worried it would turn me into some California fruitcake (which is how I might come off to some based on how I’m answering these questions) but I find instead of detaching me, meditation keeps me more engaged. If you’re finding yourself more detached from life, you’re meditating wrong. I learned this quote via David Foster Wallace: (His 2005 commencement address at Kenyon College should be required reading: HYPERLINK "http://www.marginalia.org/dfw_kenyon_commencement.html" http://www.marginalia.org/dfw_kenyon_commencement.html) “The mind is a wonderful servant and a terrible master.” If I let my mind lead, I am fucked to the tenth power. It’s reflexively designed to seek out dissatisfaction. So it takes amazing vigilance to a) Quiet the mind and b) Seek out something besides that dissatisfaction. The antidote to dissatisfaction, I’ve found, is gratitude. Cause if you’re really paying attention, and you’ve taken steps to quiet your mind, there’s infinitely more for which to be grateful than upset by.

3) And, you seem to know that nothing in this precarious business is a forever thing, so you continue to explore yourself and your artistry in many ways...why isn't the "day job" enough to hang your hat on...or is it?

Well, it is the best day job in the world. I have come to that realization. But here we reach an interesting paradox: How do we remain “present” and content with the moment we’re in, while at the same time taking steps towards advancement, in our career and elsewhere. I’m still working on that one. I find that when I’m present and not obsessing about the future, I can kind of sense what needs to be done in the moment, I’m more open to inspiration and I take action. Currently, I’m writing a book, I’m trying to sell a movie I wrote, I haven’t become a recluse or a renunciate. I’m still a little shocked that I’m on TV, even as we’re well into our third season – I have these moments when I go, “Fuck, I’m from Ohio. I grew up watching ‘Family Ties’ and now Michael Gross plays my dad.” For whatever reason, I can’t shake the feeling that all of this is pretty awesome. I don’t know if I’ll ever take it for granted. Being on a television show is totally cool. But not being on a television show was cool, too. And one day, Ted’s gonna meet the woman he’ll marry or CBS will just get tired of us or something and then I won’t be on a TV show. If I’m devastated, I’ll just reread some of those quotes from above. I also think about something my dad used to tell me, and this goes back to not being an asshole. He told me character doesn’t count in the short term, it counts in the long term. I really dig that. A lot of what gets attention in Hollywood is what’s happening NOW, who’s happening NOW. I’ve never been a person who wants all eyes in a room focused on me. If someone’s louder and more desperate for attention, I’m like, cool, take it. That might not always serve me, career-wise, but I don’t know any other way to be. It’s how I’m wired. I think you’re a cool motherfucker, Matty B. I’m glad we’re friends.