I am starting this blog as a universal dialogue. A conversation between all of us about being young and taking a journey toward success. Success in career, relationships, friendships and in self-realization.
I have just come up for air...again. Last week I was someone I'd never met before. Where I am usually hopeful and funny, kind and compassionate, last week I was cruel and quiet, shut down and, well, depressed. I did not have the tools to crawl out of the hole that dug itself when I left my literary agent, realized that getting a new agent was no walk in the park, started having anxiety attacks when I acknowledged that the five new TV shows I'd spent the better part of a year writing may simply be three-hole-punched pieces of paper on my coffee table...for this pilot season anyway.
I am a writer. In Los Angeles. I write TV shows and movies, plays and poems. And now, this blog. It feels, lately, that my hands are tied in pursuing the very thing I have made a living doing: writing. I do not know if your career can be or feel stifling. If you sometimes feel not allowed to or unable to or exhausted by the concept of finding NEW ways to...do the thing you DO.
While this tornado of beat down has been swirling around me, it has also stirred my new marriage, some of my friendships and my spirit. I know this sounds super drab, maudlin (insert your own word) but it really isn't. It is actually quite exciting.
When I found myself directly in the eye of the tornado, where I actually saw my former agent, green faced, riding a bicycle...I thought of this blog. I need guidance. I need to hear stories of people with passions and dreams who decided to pursue those passions and dreams. I need to hear what it is like to balance becoming an adult, being in a relationship, sifting through friendships to find the best of the best and making your mark in the world the way you want to make your mark in the world.
So, my pledge is to crack myself wide open. I will share the great UPs (selling TV shows, making TV shows, selling movies...um, having them shelved) and the great DOWNs (being told "your script is too funny" or "it is very hard to sell a show with female leads" or "you have to many ideas"). I will also go into the world and talk to actors, CEOs, painters, sneaker makers, head chefs, authors, songwriters, singers, directors, theater producers...and the list goes on. I will bring you their exact words as they relate to OUR conversation about how to be Happy On The Painful Road To Success.
And when you have thoughts, join in.
Okay, now I am going to make some tea, listen to the Across The Universe soundtrack and think about how today can be better than yesterday.
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6 comments:
one thing i am trying to discover is the amount of risk one should allow even when one is professionally happy. there is no growth without risk and i'm also trying to discover how professional growth and personal growth are interconnected.
one thing is clear, the process of discovery is mandatory. Whether done from a melancholy vegatative state while contemplating coffee as one first rises in the morning - or whether racing from Santa Monica to Studio City juggling phone calls and text messages.
Routine, while a comfort, seems to also sap the life out of the creative soul who needs discovery.
And sometimes you just have to force yourself to try a different route to acheive that growth. even if it feels against the grain to do so.
this may all sound flighty but that's because that is the state I myself am in . . . not grounded. no home to call my own - having just arrived on this coast - creating a new workspace. reconnecting with old friends - making new ones. And creating a new balance between discovery and routine from a relatively blank slate.
The joy and pain of what YOU, mon artist, do is that you inspire others of us to also contemplate that which you are contemplating. it's a big burden to bear but a worthy one.
thank you for sharing.
I need this. I need this so badly, that it's scary. Serendipitous, Matt. I'm literally standing at a fork - one way is the clean way...you know, the safe, predictable, sequential, responsible, way. The other way is the risky, unknown, scary, take-a-leap-of-serious-faith, way. OK, OK, it seems so easy to make the choice, right?? Take the inspired risk, yes?? It's not that easy. It requires, shutting the door on all that I've been working towards these past five years - how easy is that? Do I go with feeling that all that I've been working for has been a waste, or that it's been a vital part of the journey...ultimately bringing me to this fork that I'm now at.
Here's what I know for sure - all the hard decisions in my life - all the bad times, the pains, the struggles, the "bad" choices, the mistakes, the pot holes, the collisions - all of these things have been a part of the grand plan for me. So, if I believe this, then I have to believe that the "tornado" of life that we all find ourselves swept up by, is stirring it all up for a reason.
Everyday I read a passage from "The Promise of a New Day" - here's today's:
SEPTEMBER 19
"It's not just major challenges that require courage. Even the minor skirmishes with life demand some deep breaths, perhaps hushed prayers, and lots of hope. We'd glide more easily through every day if we'd accept that struggle is part of the process of life; that it offers more opportunities for us to realize our individual potential than any other dimension of life.
Struggles strengthen us, enrich our character, temper our emotions. They enhance our being in untold ways, and yet we plead to be spared them. How ironic that we each long for greater success, at least some recognition for our accomplishments, but recoil from the very experiences that guarantee these personal satisfactions.
MY STRUGGLES TODAY ARE MY GIFTS IN DISGUISE. I WILL GROW ACCORDINGLY."
Serendipitous Matty. Serendipitous. Thank you for including me in this. A small weight has been lifted.
I cant begin to tell you how glad I am that you're doing this. Matt especially for starting it but each and everyone that shares in it. Like Sophia, this couldn't have come at a better time for me. As I seem plagued, as of late with decisions both small and large. And for whatever reason I find myself anxious and afraid, stagnated by my own indecision. Through deep breaths and whole lot of self-coaching to "Calm the Fuck Down!!" and trust myself I'm at least now moving forward and taking some action. But this, a place to seek the insight, experience and trials of others , good and bad, is a deep comfort and exciting outlet. Just to be reminded that there are others wrestling with these same things gives me some solace and clarity.
Thank you for this. I look forward to every entry.
Thanks for making me a part of this Matty. It's just always nice to know that where there's misery, you can usually find company. Misery might be too strong, perhaps insecurity, unsurity (I know it's not a word but God help me I like it!)
I suppose everyone finds themselves in positions like this but why do I get the feeling that it happens a lot more often to the "entertainers" out there? Like everyone else (in these comments) I'm at a crossroads...course, I kind of always feel as though I'm at a crossroads...you should see how long it take me to decide whether to get popcorn with or without butter...pros and cons...saturated or unsaturated.
I guess I feel like this part in my life, to use a cleached but appropriate metaphor, it's like I'm driving along a highway really late at night with nary a street lamp in sight and no matter how slow I go, I still can't read the street signs. I think I made a wrong turn a while back but like many men, I refuse to ask directions (not that there's anyone around anyway). I've been driving for I can't even tell how long and even though I think I might have made a wrong turn, I hold on longer and longer because I'm trying to convince myself that while I might have missed the turn, I may miraculously end up on the road I wanted all along and it was only because I persevered and found this amazing short cut that no one else knew existed. Course, the longer I drive the more frightened I become that I'll eventually have to turn around and drive all the way back. But what the hell, you gotta dream right?
the journey from that dark place can make you stronger than before...
It always breaks my heart to hear when someone I care so much for is going through something I can relate so strongly to. I know those feelings. They live inside of me. To deny them would be futile. Fortunately, what else dwells is beauty, love, honor, and grace. Being a creative soul in Los Angeles is a burden unto itself. Adding the components of a relationship (or not having one), friendships (the disappointments, expectations, and comfort), money, traffic, loneliness, obligations… and we are blessed if we find time for pursuing our reason for being. This year has been unlike no other as I was ill for the majority of it and thereby had nothing but time to contemplate and reflect. My answer ~ yes. Yes, I love what I do more than anything. What I do is who I am. To be denied that outlet is incomprehensible. There is no alternative. Regardless of Los Angeles and all of it’s trials and tribulations, I’m here for the long haul and must find a way to embrace all of it so that I can focused on what is important to me and not what is trivial and ridiculous at the end of the day. Knowing this, I realize I need to take breaks. Leave the city on the weekends. Visit my family back east. Say “No!” to others and “Yes!” to myself. This is all very new for me and I’m learning to find the balance. When the darkness creeps in an effort to shut me down, I’m trying to acknowledge it, deal with it, and let it go. Letting go. So easy to say. I’ll keep coming back here though as just reading your words makes me feel stronger. When you know you are not the only one, when you are connected to like-minded others, you always feel less afraid, less vulnerable, and less alone. Thanks, Matty. Love you.
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